All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
