awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
