Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
