the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
