wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
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doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
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You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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