she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Couch. On fire.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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