I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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