Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
