Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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