Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
