I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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