New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
