Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
