I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
