Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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