yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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