Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
