I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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