I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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