wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
