my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
