1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
