If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
