If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
