4 words: hood of his car
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
