dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
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