worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
