Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
