i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
