He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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