Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
