Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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