It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize