it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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