You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
