When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
