So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she peed on how many people?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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