Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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