Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
