4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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