Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
