That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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