weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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