mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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