First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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