she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
