i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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