my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
