Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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