i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
