I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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