Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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