Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
