Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
