If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
