I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
