do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
