btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
