I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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