I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize