I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
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