Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
