just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
