so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize