she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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